I’m beginning to see how the stereotype of the cold, heartless porn producer originated. Once again, I’m feeling like it’s almost impossible for a producer to have any kind of compassion or concern for his models, and still survive and succeed in the business. Once again, I’m torn between my concern for my models as people, and my need to make smart choices as a businessman.
Last weekend, I received a panic-stricken email from one of my models, begging me to take down anything that shows his face. Apparently, the wrong gay people found out about my videos and started spreading gossip and malicious rumors throughout the gay online community in my city, eventually reaching friends and family outside that community as well. One person even stooped so low as to publish a profile on one of the more popular black hook-up sites under the screenname “We_GotAIDS,” listing names, photos, and personal info about several of my models.
I’m 99% certain that one of the people behind it is a guy who’s contacted me several times expressing a desire to do some videos for me. This past Saturday night, he grew hostile and threatening when I politely turned him down. You know how sometimes you can tell that somebody’s not quite “right” just by looking at their pics? This guy looked like a hateful, conniving asshole from the start, and it didn’t take him long to prove my assumptions correct. Unfortunately, he seems hell-bent on spreading gossip and lies about me and my models, thus polluting my pool of potential models (at least those who are gay and bisexual) and potentially causing real harm to the lives and reputations of guys I care about.
I really am too naive and trusting sometimes. When I started this amateur porn project, I totally underestimated the number of hateful, vindictive, ugly human beings out there who don’t give a second thought about destroying other people’s lives if it brings them a little attention; the “crabs in the barrel” who can’t stand seeing others succeed.
One of my models is taking the whole thing particularly hard. He knew when he filmed his scenes there was a risk that people would find out, but he was still mostly closeted and emotionally unprepared, I think, to be exposed in such a cruel and humiliating way. I have tried to tell him that he shouldn’t let the harassment get under his skin; that he is better than the hateful people trying to tear him down; that he still has a bright future ahead of him; that I care about him as more than just a cute model; and that he is welcome to come over any time he needs to get away or just wants a sympathetic listener.
Dragon had to suffer through something similar when his videos first came out. I also remember witnessing the same kind of thing happen several times when I was a regular “Cocodorm” member. It’s no wonder that the black gay porn industry is dominated by feminine bottom-types who couldn’t hide their sexual orientations if they wanted to…..all the masculine boys are driven into the closet by these shameless gossip-queen bitches who have nothing better to do than expose amateur porn stars!
And that’s one of the ironies about all of this….it’s the guys who love to watch porn and complain about the lack of hot masculine porn stars who are the same ones exposing and attacking their peers who choose to make porn as HIV-infected “sluts” and “ho’s,” thus driving more hot boys away from the porn industry and into the closet.
I don’t know if it’s worse in the black community in general (the flip-side of something usually so positive, a more expansive and intimate family and social network?); or maybe my city is just too damn small, even for an amateur producer like me; or maybe the black gay boys in my city are just particularly vicious and judgmental???
Whatever the cause, the fact that this has already happened to almost all of my models is extremely frustrating and depressing. Making videos with the types of guys I’m attracted to is going to grow increasingly difficult if there’s a mafia of gossip-hungry drama-queens constantly waiting for every blog update as their next chance to expose another one of my models. Every time I post screenshot previews or video clips, I will have to worry that the models involved (at least the gay and bisexual boys) will most likely be exposed, mocked, and humiliated. Even the straight boys are at risk for exposure if some evil gay boy happens to recognize them.
I’ve already removed the blog posts featuring a certain model’s action scenes, at least until he goes off to college in a few weeks, even though it will certainly have a negative impact on my video sales. But I can’t exactly do this every time a model gets “outed,” and I don’t want to settle for filming porn that only features out-and-proud gay men.
I’m really at an emotional and professional impasse here….
By the way, I just wanted to add that I understand you wanting to take down the entries of Lil Luda. But maybe taking down the full entry is a bit extreme? Perhaps just remove his photos? Also: is Lil Luda his model name?
And don’t worry about the fear of what will happen once you post a new model on your site, though I know you will . . . worry, that is . . . you’re a Libra!
I think I will start asking them, going forward, if this is something they really want to do and why. Not discourage them, mind you. Just to be sure we’re all on the same page and that I won’t have to deal with the regret of the model after they’ve had their jollies and collected their money.
Wow this is just awful. I can feel the pain in your post.
It’s a sad state of affairs all around. Sad that some people are so off-kilter, nasty and vindictive so as to go and try to ruin the lives of people they don’t even know. Sad that we live in a society within which one is so embarrassed of their homosexuality that they’d rather commit suicide than be outed. Sad that the black community which has arguably firsthand experienced more discrimination in this country than any other group, remains the most viciously homophobic.
I think the reason this happened is due to many reasons, most of which you mentioned. Firstly, gay men get their bitchy stereotypes with good reason, and I say that as one of them. Secondly, you live in an area with a small gay community, and a smaller, tighter-knit black (and black gay/DL) community. This sort of blackmail of sorts likely wouldn’t occur in Atlanta, DC, New York, Los Angeles, San Francisco, etc. St. Louis strikes me as the sort of city where within the black gay/DL community, there’s only one or two degrees of separation between everyone else.
I feel particularly bad for the model who was deleted from your site. This model was my favorite due to his cute face and sumptuous ass, but I have to admit, I had reservations when he was introduced to the site. As much of a fantasy as it may be amongst gay and straight men to see someone “barely legal”, the fact that he was still in high school seemed a little dangerous to me. Knowing that he still faced the school crowd and the neighborhood crowd and that he was likely still living with his family who are all likely very homophobic; and also knowing that like most 18 year olds, he probably didn’t really think things through, realizing the true possible ramifications of it, and I feel horrible for him. For the other guys, while I feel badly for them, I feel they are more mentally, emotionally and financially equipped to deal with what may happen.
I think it’s a testament to your character that you removed the one model from the site. Some porn producers lose their humanity and would just turn the other cheek should word get back to them that a similar thing happened to your models. Perhaps it’s because you’re just starting out, or the fact that you have a smaller pool of models, or just the fact that you’re a nice guy (probably all of the above), but the fact that you are showing concern is admirable. Honestly, I don’t think there is much you can do in this situation short of moving or importing guys from other cities, if the St. Louis queens are out to destroy their own. I think while it may crimp the style of things, it truly is best if you are personally invested in your models to tell in explicit terms all of your future models that this sort of thing has happened and for them to brace for it just in case.
I hope you and all of your models make it through this relatively unscathed.
We have been here before with Jay, and one thing we have learned is that you have to be supportive of your work. It is like you said, Find the balance because these are people and the poeple in itself is the work. The attitude the appearance and the chemistry and all those things that make the character of the model. In any event I know just what you mean, you have to understand that the part of the business is to be strong in the face of adversity and that challenges are a result of the effort. Dont feel intimidated or threatened by what is happening but be cautious. and if someone wants to be a model there are other production companies available, in a way it is flattery but just know that you and your models are part of a fresh new and creative production that many want to be part of in any way. Look this is where it starts, either you goin to get scared or you gonna find a stronger passion to keep your models motivated to keep making hits. think of puff daddy, when he started people thought he was crazy making old ideas new and even when he was #1 he said he cant stop. so here we go your move!
Michael:
Sorry to hear about what’s happening with your models. I have a hard enough time getting just the average joe to come over and jerk off for me on camera; I don’t even want to think about what it’s like to have someone talking trash.
I wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I’m afraid I don’t; I haven’t been in this industry long enough. What I CAN tell you is that tribulations will abound no matter what field we’re in.
Just keep low for a bit because when it come to black queens, they are probably vicious second only to the latin queens. What is it about the black and latin queeny gay guys anyway? I mean, when they’re queeny, they are kuh-WEEN-ie! Know what I mean?
I know this is no consolation but I think people sometimes get jealous. You know, kinda like the people who will make sure that no one has you if they can’t have you.
Hang in there, bud. I believe in you.
Man I hate to hear this crap. There ought to be a law against people who fuck with other people’s lives like this. Yeah the azzholes who make life hard for the brothers that just wanna have a little fun and make some money doing it should have their balls cut off. If someone did that to a friend of mine I don’t know what I would do but it wouldn’t be pretty. Im sorry but I think u said it right calling them drama queens… But let lil luda and jay and all the folks there know that almost all of us support them and hope they are ok… I dont wanna write no more now cauz Im mad as hell about hearing this and Ill just rant and sound like a psycho…. and thanks for being honest about what you do…you sound like you care cauz I know most sites and producers really dont…
Thanks, guys, for your supportive comments and helpful advice! I will try to reply in more detail, but for now I just wanted to post a brief update.
This whole thing is a fucking nightmare. Things have escalated far beyond a small handful of cyber-bullies. Now that the word has gotten out about my videos, it seems to be spreading like wildfire across the Internet via BGC, Myspace, Facebook, gossipy friends and family members calling other gossipy friends and family members, etc. I have now heard from SEVERAL of the guys I’ve worked with, and they are all being harassed, humiliated, and exposed by the many cruel, gossip-hungry drama-queens in my city’s black gay community.
What infuriates me the most about all of this is the mind-boggling HYPOCRISY behind all of the hostility my models are facing. Everybody LOVES watching porn until they find out that somebody they know is actually involved in making it, then all of a sudden porn becomes something nasty and taboo that only disease-ridden whores do?!? Give me a fucking break! I guarantee at least half of these heartless bitches are stroking their dicks with one hand while stabbing their brothers in the back with the other.
Another thing that really pisses me off is the fact that a lot of the people behind this massive smear campaign are involved in the “gay family” scene. Call me naive, but I thought the whole idea behind gay families was to provide safe and nurturing environments for young gay black men, not some mafia of spiteful drama-queens devoting their spare time to spreading hate and tearing other young brothers down!
It’s sad that a few pathetic, envious bullies can spoil a good thing for so many others, and bring so much stress and pain into the personal lives of good people. Porn is supposed to be FUN, dammit! Sure, my models knew that exposure was a risk, but NOBODY deserves to be subjected to an onslaught of constant humiliation and ridicule like this!
You’ve probably already noticed that I’ve removed almost all of the photos and video clips from the blog. Don’t worry….this is just a temporary thing, and I can easily restore as much or as little as I’d like with a few clicks of the mouse. With so many of my models under such relentless scrutiny at the moment, I didn’t want to provide all of the self-righteous gossip-queens out there any more ammunition than they already have. This is just a temporary thing until I take some time to reflect and figure out how I want to proceed.
As a few of you have mentioned, packing up and calling it quits would only be letting the bullies win, and I have no intention of doing that! Ultimately, the damage has already been done and there’s not much more I can do to protect the guys who have been unfairly hurt by this. At some point I have to say “fuck the haters” and continue making my videos. Right now I just need to let things calm down a little, and take some time to re-evaluate how best to promote my videos in the future.
What’s to be done? There are real human beings involved with real lives, real families and real communities.
On the one hand, I’d like to believe that the “art” of having access to these images — and the underlying message they represent for different people — is bigger than the individual models themselves.
On the other hand I realize that it’s easy to say that so long as I can be removed from the emotional, psychological and spiritual pain that has grown out of all of this.
Beyond the maliciousness of those who have copied these images with the intent to inflict emotional harm there are those of us who have copied and reposted these images with no malicious intent at all; but only with the desire (and maybe this is just as bad) to feed our particular and often distinctive erotic fantasies and communicate those fantasies to others.
I am wrestling with where my re-posting of some of these images (with my own distinctive narrative) now stands. I don’t want to inflict further harm on the models and yet I don’t want to forgo the use of these images to accompany the erotic fantasy of my narrative.
Is it possible that, despite our intentions, the nature of porn and the culture that it is a part of is inherently damaging to all parties involved: models, wannabe models who don’t make the cut, producers, and consumers — and our friends and our families?
I have my suspicions. I am not sure of the answers to these questions. I am still exploring….
All I’ll say is, people who spread malicious gossip should watch their own back. Those who criticize others usually have the most skeletons in their closet. What goes around, comes around.
sorry to hear about your problems and how they have discouraged you, thankfully only temporarily…I think it’s a societal problem – a “sex is bad” attitude from puritans that still exists and is exploited by evangelicals and other “religious” people, mainly to satisfy their own petty, narrow-minded need to control others…and maybe that attitude is even worse in the african-american community when it comes to being gay? I don’t know since I don’t have any personal experience…but that may be whats happening with your models…
hope you get through this and that attitudes will change in your models and about sexuality in general…but I wont be holding my breath for that to happen…much easier to move to Europe! 😉
Hey, I want to know how those guys are doing. Can you update us?! I AM SO WORRIED FOR THEIR WELL BEING! OMG. Especially Jay, he seemed like a real nice guy! I just wanna hug him (non-sexual)! Please Let us know if the gossip is still ongoing and TELL US THE SITES WHERE IT’S HAPPENING! WE NEED TO STOP THEM VIA ONLINE RESPONSE AS WELL!
By the way, does this mean we won’t ever see anything from them anymore?
The worst of the gossip and exposure took place last summer when this entry was originally published, but I think you’ve already learned in the entry entitled “Worst Week Ever” that harassment and exposure continue to be problems for some of my models. It’s truly sad that there are so many petty, mean-spirited, jealous people in this world with nothing better to do than harass people who choose to do porn – especially when most of these assholes are jacking off to the very same people they try to expose and humiliate!
I appreciate your desire to help, but with the Internet being what it is today, it’s impossible to stop these people from using sites like Myspace, Facebook, and other social networking sites to spread gossip and expose people who do porn. I know I’m not the first producer to deal with situations like this, and I’m sure I won’t be the last.
I will never know the full extent to which the exposure has affected my models’ personal lives, but I think everyone has dealt with it the best they can and many of them have come over for more video-shoots since all of this happened. I haven’t talked to Jay in awhile, but last time I talked with him he was doing well. Once they get over the initial shock and embarrassment of being “outed” as a porn performer, most of the guys seem to develop a healthy “fuck the haters” attitude about everything.