I’m learning the hard way that this is a business of highs and lows, ups and downs, and nothing can ever be taken for granted. ESPECIALLY when I’m working with young guys whose moods and ambitions and life circumstances change from day to day. It’s a tough balancing act for a guy as sentimental and emotional as I tend to be.
On the one hand, I don’t want to turn into some sleazy porn-producer stereotype who treats his models like disposable pieces of meat. The kind of guy who’s totally emotionless when things turn sour with a particular model….because he thinks that one cute black boy’s just as good as the next, and there are a dozen new faces to replace any one guy, right?
At the same time, I feel like I’m WAY too emotionally invested in my models right now, to the point that it’s potentially bad for business and most definitely bad for my mental health. I really need to figure out how to strike a balance between the cold-hearted Porn Pimp and the overly-sensitive guy who gets too attached to his models.
Thank goodness Dragon hasn’t let me down yet! He still calls me about once a week to ask about my latest video-shoots and hear what people have been saying on the blog lately. He was ECSTATIC when I told him that The Schoolboy and the Thug was the #1 movie on AMVC for a second month in a row!
Speaking of Dragon….
Last night I went out to dinner with one of my closest friends. She’s a black lesbian who is very open-minded about sex, and the first friend that I told about my secret “hobby.” She’s been incredibly supportive from the time I first told her (“How could I NOT support you when you’re making your dream come true???” she explained). Whenever we hang out, she asks how the business is going, what videos I’m working on, etc., and it’s always nice to be able to talk about things with a close friend in person, as opposed to posting things on the blog, or talking with my models, or corresponding with cyber-friends through email.
Anyway, after dinner last night she came back to my place and asked me to show her one of my videos. I was really reluctant and embarrassed at first, but eventually I decided “what the hell.” I’ve never really watched porn with my platonic friends before, let alone watched gay male porn with a LESBIAN when the porn in question was filmed by me! Needless to say, it was a pretty bizarre and comical experience.
I showed her The Schoolboy and the Thug, and she loved it! She was really amused by Shyne’s attitude throughout much of the scene, the way he’d switch from apparent indifference to arousal in a matter of seconds. She was also impressed with Dragon’s performance (“Damn, he’s really WORKIN’ it!” she exclaimed when Dragon was riding Shyne’s dick), and she told me to tell Dragon that he should take FULL credit for the video’s success! I’m sure Dragon will be THRILLED to hear that, since a definite rivalry has developed between he and Shyne since they filmed that first scene.
Tomorrow afternoon I have plans to meet with this cute, 19-year-old white boy that I’m hoping to feature in some interracial scenes if all goes well. I still plan on appearing in some of my interracial videos, but it’s always so stressful juggling sex AND filming at the same time, especially when trying to fuck the guys on camera. I’ve had a lot of difficulty getting the right angles and staying hard throughout numerous interruptions. But I don’t have the kind of budget that can afford to hire a videographer (plus, I’m a bit of a control-freak when it comes to the actual filming). So I’m hoping if things work out with this new kid, I can film some hot interracial FUCKING in the near future, without the limitations that come with tripod-style homemade porn. We’ll see how things go tomorrow….
I’m starving, and that left-over pizza in the fridge is sounding pretty damn good, so that’s enough rambling for now….